Life In Between
by Hinaku
Summary: When Hayate failed to show up for dinner, Genma thought little of it. A GenHaya fic set during the Chuunin exam. Excessive angst and implicit shounenai ahead. Genma reminisces how it all began, then finds out how it has to end.


Life In-Between

Notes: This fic was written as a birthday present for my very special Oneechan, Nezuko. I love you to pieces! I hope you had a great one, okay? And a shoutout to Rini, who beta'ed this for me when I was too terrified to show it to Oneechan because 'neechan deserves a birthday fic so very extra special.

_There are only two options regarding commitment. You're either in or out. There's no such thing as a life in-between._  
--Pat Riley

* * *

When Hayate failed to show up for dinner, Genma thought little of it. Well, as little as he could think of Hayate standing him up for a dinner that he had spent the better part of his afternoon making. It bothered him, yeah, for the wasted food that he only picked at by himself and the complete waste of the sight of him in an apron. Now he did not wear an apron often, but when he did he made it look damn _good_. And Hayate had missed it. 

Still, it was a passing irritation, a fleeting thought that was gone by the time he packed up all the food and stored it into the fridge. After all, he knew as well as Hayate did that neither of them were any good at commitment.

They had been together through it all.

A childhood of switching specialties in the Academy each, which left Genma as a fairly well-rounded shinobi by the time he was a Chuunin despite the fact that he ended up with the promotion of Special Jounin and left Hayate just as balanced. Four years on and off in ANBU each, which both of them still looked back on in awe that they ever survived. After that, or during, or before, the two of them were the only constants in their strings of failed relationships. There were three girlfriends for Genma in his post-Academy years, four boyfriends and two more girlfriends after that, not to mention the countless one night stands that he was so notorious for. On Hayate's end, he only had four girlfriends in all that time, one whom he almost married but quickly became too terrified to go through with it. Genma had sat with him that entire night, talking him through it. Then there were the hospital visits through the years, every other doctor with a different opinion of what ailed Hayate, a condition which he may or may not have been born with depending on who was asked, until both of them had enough. Hayate decided to let the disease run its course using the same reasoning Genma had given him over why he should only marry Nanami if he was certain. Life was short, especially for ninja, and Hayate decided that he had no more time to waste on doctors and hospital stays and tests that never came up with anything. Genma stood by him, with him, supporting him even though he did not exactly want to face the idea of watching his friend waste away.

That was two years ago, and Genma remembered it well. How they had left the hospital together, how Hayate had looked so determined, so… grown. With their age difference, Genma had always seen Hayate as his little brother almost, someone who looked up to him and who he looked out for. But now Hayate did not look so little anymore.

When they reached Hayate's apartment and were just saying their goodbyes, Hayate stopped and gave Genma a searching look before leaning in to kiss him. He did it slowly but boldly, as though challenging Genma to pull away. They kissed the way all first kisses should be, sweetly and passionately and deeply and reverently. It was something Genma never humored even in passing, as he thought Hayate to be one of the straightest people he knew. It was something Hayate had never imagined himself doing, as he had always thought of himself as the type to someday marry and have a family. But life was short and ever seeming shorter, and both of them were hopeless with commitment.

And that was the beginning of it. Hayate let Genma into his apartment and from then on they had something they could call theirs and theirs alone. At first, very little changed. They passed time as they always had, as friends and now sometimes as lovers. Then time passed and gradually but undeniably, things did change. Genma's trips to clubs became infrequent, then stopped entirely. Hayate stopped humoring his mother's attempts to find him a wife. When both of them saw the change in the other, they came to the same, sudden realization. Each of them saw that 'his life' could become 'their life'.

It became a silent understanding between the two of them, not exactly a formal relationship of any kind, but they understood that what they had was no longer temporary, that neither of them had to look at the future and wonder when their arrangement would stop.

Now it was two years to the day of their first kiss and they had both agreed to dinner at Genma's, and Hayate failed to show. Genma thought so very little of it as he went to bed.

After all, they were both terrible at commitment.

It was barely dawn when Genma woke to the sound of rather familiar pounding on his door. Half asleep still and figuring that it was Hayate, he answered the door as he was, in just a pair of loose pajama pants.

It wasn't Hayate.

"Raidou?" Genma asked, lifting a brow in question of why his old ANBU buddy as paying him a visit so early in the morning, "You could've called or something, man. I could've been naked." He said this in a half jest, grinning lopsidedly at his friend. His smile faltered at the intense, troubled look Raidou was giving him, but sometimes Raidou's face just looked like that.

"Genma, listen to me," Raidou began, slowly and firmly. Genma felt suddenly ill. He had a feeling Raidou was not simply looking grim because he had finally used the expression enough that his face had stayed that way.

"I want you to go inside, make yourself some tea, and sit down," his friend continued. Genma's eyes widened and he shook his head, one hand gripping the side of his doorframe.

"Don't do this to me, Rai," he warned, shaking his head, "You be straight with me, okay? You of all people be fucking straight with me." This made Raidou close his eyes briefly, looking pained.

"At least just sit-"

"No!" Genma interrupted, feeling more uneasy by the second. If Raidou wanted him to sit down that badly—he gripped his friend by the shoulders.

"Tell me what happened, Rai!"

Raidou flinched at the outburst, sighed, and gave in.

"Hayate's dead, Genma," he relayed, shaking his head even as Genma's grip on him tightened near painfully, then completely released.

"I heard in the Hokage's office last night. ANBU found his body on the roofs yesterday morning. No one knows who did it," he continued, studying Genma's face for a reaction. There was none. Genma was in shock.

"I came because I wanted to be the one to tell you. I didn't want you to see it on some report," Raidou kept talking, trying to somehow help his friend absorb the information even though he was well aware how little he could do.

There was no verbal denial, no desperate repetition of 'no' or 'this can't be happening'. Both of them had gotten over that after the first few deaths of their loved ones. But Raidou could see it in the way Genma's eyes flickered, how he was looking at the world in disbelief at how little it had changed even though Hayate was no longer a part of it. How alien all the buildings and familiar landmarks must look.

"This was a long way coming, Genma," Raidou whispered, resting a hand on his friend's shoulder, "It's what he wanted. He didn't want to end up on a hospital bed someday and wheeze out his last breath. He died like he lived. We should be thankful for that."

"Yeah," Genma agreed distantly as though he were not quite certain of what he was agreeing to.

"C'mon, Genma," Raidou sighed, guiding his friend back into the apartment, "I'm going to make you some tea."

"I've got some leftovers," Genma offered, "It was two years yesterday, did you know that? I never thought we'd get there. I guess we didn't, huh?" A strange, strangled laugh left his lips at his own morbid joke.

Raidou cringed inwardly. Genma was still in shock. A week from now, a few weeks from now, the weight of Hayate's death was really going to hit him. When it came, Raidou would be there for him. It was all anyone could do.


End file.
